Jessica Moore
Mrs. Belden
Honors English 1
5 October 2014
Solider
I sit here bored out of my mind while the guidance counselor is talking about colleges and applications. I think I don't know what the heck I'm going to do with my life. I don't know if I'll get accepted to any of these and what if they don't think I'm good enough. I go to my counselor after the assembly and ask how do I pick a school.
She said, “ what kinds of thing are you interested in majoring in Charlie? “I'm not quite sure” I replied. “You can go to medical school, law school, or become an engineer or a teacher.” No those all sound boring. “What about the Military” she asks. All of a sudden I was actually interested in what she was saying. I took the Military into consideration and went home to talk to my parents. They weren’t fond of the idea they wanted me to go to college because it less dangerous and I won’t go into war. That really ticked me off, I’m going to be an adult and they won’t even support my decisions. I stormed off to my room and shut the door behind me. I searched all the different branches I could join and looked to see possible jobs I could do. I immediately said no to the Air force and Navy, I hate long periods of time on boat and flying. I shut my computer and lie in bed thinking of the Army then doze into a deep sleep.
The next morning I wake up walk downstairs and I see my mom talking on the phone with my grandpa. She says, "I told him you were talking about joining the military and he wants to talk to you about it. My grandpa was in the Marines and fought in war. I answer the phone and the first thing he tells me is not to join the Marines. He says it's dangerous and you have a high possibility of going across the country to war. He then said I needed to talk to a recruiter because they would have a lot more important information for me. My mom arranged a day to go talk to a recruiter. I was very intrigued in everything the general was saying. I could chose a job I was interested and go to training to learn how to do it. Also I would go to basic training for 10 weeks and I would stay with a group of other men in the same unit. After our meeting I shook his hand turned around and saw my mom walking towards the car rather quickly. I got in the car and asked why she was such in a hurry. She said, "I don't think this was a useful meeting, it was a waste of time." "Then why did you arrange it" I asked. She replied, "I wanted you to know more about the military before you make a big decision like this." I just sit there like a statue and ignore what she just said and sit there staring out the window at the white fluffy clouds as they go bye.
I get home and go talk to my dad in his study. I ask him why mom doesn't want me to join the Military. He says, “ Its not that she doesn't want you to joins its that she doesn't want to lose you like your brother.” That really got to me, my brother passed away in a car accident 3 years ago. My mom was devastated when it happened, she took me out of school for 2 weeks just so she wouldn't leave my side. That night as I watch TV a commercial about the Army National Guard comes on. After the commercial it showed a website, I quickly wrote it down. I type in ArmyNationalGuard.Org. I read through all the information and it says the Army National Guard is the Military but you
have a less likelihood of going overseas. Also I could live in the state I'm currently in and wouldn't have to move away from my family.
The next morning I showed my mom the website, she was impressed with it. She wasn't fully sold but she took it into consideration knowing I have a less likelihood of leaving and going over seas. My mom talked with my dad about for a while and a week later she was ok with me going into the Army! I was super excited to finally know what I was going to do with my life. A week later I went back to the recruiter and signed a million papers, it was awful. I had to take lots of medical and physical tests to make sure I was healthy before leaving for boot camp. Months passed and every couple weekends I would have to go train with other people joining. This week is my last week at home it was devastating for my mom, she was constantly crying. Saturday came and I was finally done with signing papers, getting medical exams and training. I leave for Oklahoma in 3 hours for boot camp for 10 weeks. It was kind of scary thinking about but I knew I would be ok. I get my ticket and then head to bag check with my parents next to me. All of a sudden I hear “flight to Oklahoma leaving in 15 minutes”, My mom starts bawling. I give them hugs and kisses then head for the plane. I take my seat and stare out the window thinking this is really happening I'm finally on my own. I see my parents in the window waving goodbye then all of a sudden they are getting smaller and I know I'm leaving. All I can think is when will I be home.
Dear Jessica, this was an amazing story! I really liked the whole plot of it. It was very intriguing and I felt as if I was constantly involved. Another thing I liked was how researched the topic was. You knew about the different parts of the military, making it more easier for me, the reader, to understand. What is Charlie like? How does he do in the military? Lastly, I think you just need to fix some grammatical errors and keep the story in the same tense the whole time. Other than that, awesome job! -Elly S
ReplyDeleteHi Jessica! I liked your story, I thought it was interesting and creative. Also, I thought it was good that you made it clear what Charlie was like without directly stating it- he wants to be independent and has a bit of a temper, but also has a softer side. Another thing was Charlie's thoughts throughout the story- they really helped me understand how he felt. A couple questions for you- Does Charlie end up being glad he decided to join the military or does he regret it? Does he ever consider what he would have been doing if he wasn't in the military? I'd suggest checking over your story for some simple grammar errors and make the sentences flow better. Other than that, your story was great!
ReplyDelete-Luna Moth
Hey Jessica! I really like your story's plot! Usually people right about some weird topic but your story is realistic. Also, I liked how she was an independent girl and was able to stand up to her mom and make her own decisions. Lastly, I like how there was a little twist about how her brother dies in a car accident. That really catches the readers attention. One question I have is what's more of the dads thoughts on going in the military. Also, what's more imagery and descriptions of the characters like the protagonist. One suggestion is instead of saying "bye" you would say "by" also there are other grammatical errors you should fix.
ReplyDeleteI love this story a lot and I think you are a great writer! I love how you made it a story that people would like because it is about a topic that affects many people today. I also love the rawness of Charlie's emotions and how they show how much he really cares about joining the army. Lastly, I love how at the end you showed how Charlie was still a little overwhelmed despite his clear dedication to his decision. One question I have is did he ever discuss career choices with friends? Also, why exactly was he so against all the other careers mentioned besides them being boring? I would suggest giving the characters some more background information because the traits you can infer from most of them are scarce. In general, it was a nice story though and I really enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDelete